Peter Crouch gave it a three-month build-up before finally, this week, revealing to the world which of his teammates is known as Parched.
Amusingly, this information had only just been revealed to Parched too.
This is the player who stood accused of going without drinks on intensive pre-season training drills so he could instead spend time chatting with the coaching staff.
“I was asking questions about training – but now I know this I’m paranoid and I’m having a drink as often as I can…” said the mystery man himself after he was unmasked on Crouch’s That Peter Crouch Podcast.
We won’t give anymore away here.
But we will say who Crouch referred to as Parched Junior.
“Jack Butland is Parched in the making,” said Crouch. “There’s potential.”
And Darren Fletcher wasn’t completely absolved when Rio Ferdinand rang in to throw his name in the ring.
“Darren Fletcher is a strong shout and Rio has been in the dressing room with him at Old Trafford and thinks he has Parched-like tendencies,” said Crouch.
“I completely get the guess… but it’s just not right.”
Oh well, it was all much-appreciated amusement in these strange days.
Stoke City boss’s sober verdict on football return
Back to the serious stuff and Michael O’Neill was on Radio 5Live last night, being asked about the possible return of football.
As it stands, O’Neill is scheduled to take charge of Northern Ireland’s Euro 2020 qualifying play-off against Bosnia in June, as well as try to finish Stoke’s season before June 30.
A couple of days after the country was put into lockdown, one seems ambitious, never mind two.
The manager said: “I certainly think it’s ambitious to play international football because I don’t think it’s feasible whenever we do start playing – to then try to fit an international break in the middle of it, when we’re trying to complete games by June 30.”
No cup final for Stoke City women as season written off
Stoke’s women’s team had reached the National League Cup final for the first time and were due to take on Sunderland for the silverware… but that is now off after their season was declared null and void.
Coach Chloe Jones said: “Absolutely gutted about this but we support the FA’s decision.
“We have achieved so much this year as individuals, as teams and as a club we have travelled so far together. We will continue building and will be more than ready for next season. Love this team!”